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Addiction by Bj Jones [ - ]
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Category: CSI: Miami - Slashed > Horatio/Speed
Characters: Horatio Caine, Tim Speedle
Rating: PG
Genres: Angst, Character Study
Warnings: Adult themes

Summary: Horatio deals with an addiction





Disclaimer: I don't own them, various producers and studio executives who make more money than I can imagine own them. I'm not making any money, just borrowing them and will return them to the lab when I'm finished.

Beta: Calypso – you must be sick of my stories by now

~*~

I've seen the destruction an addictive substance can cause. A life taken, a family destroyed, a community torn apart. I've processed crime scenes, the consequences due to drugs: the overdoses, the shootings, and the deals gone bad. I've had the unpleasant experience of telling families that a drunk driver had killed a loved one. I've watched co-workers battle the demons of addiction, easily sliding into an addiction do to the horrors of the job.

I've dedicated my life to protecting those who can't protect themselves to speak for the victims caused by various forms of substance abuse. I've seen it all. I watched my brother fight against it, fall for it, and then die because of it. I've watched Calleigh pull her father time after time out of the local bars, drunk and dishonored.

If I were honest with myself I would admit that I never understood how one could get so entangled into an addiction. In my eyes, one just had to be strong enough to say no and stop. Little did I know how strong an addiction could be?

It can take over your life in a second. It only takes one taste, and it snares you into it's addictive powers. And that's how I found myself in this predicament. I couldn't get enough; it was affecting my job, my life.

It was sudden, unexpected. A disturbing case, a child's death is always difficult. An offer made, a way to forget the face of a beautiful six-year-old angel taken before her time. I told myself it would only be this one time, this one indulgence.

But there is always another difficult case, another life cut short. I found myself seeking out, looking to forget. Then as times went by, it became the priority. This addiction, this need, consumes me, controls me, and now I understand when an addict tells you - it's the drug that's in control, not you, no matter what you tell yourself.

As I lay here, in the dark I've come to a starting conclusion. I'm finally truthful with myself I'm addicted to Speed, to him. I look over to the sleeping form next to me. Peaceful in sleep, the stress of the job wiped away. The shadow of a beard always present, no matter the time of day. I brush my hand along his forehead moving the dark tussled hair out of his face. He shifts closer to the touch, murmuring softly. I pull him closer to me, kissing his head softly as it settles onto my chest.

I, Horatio Caine, am addicted to one Timothy "Speed" Speedle and I have no intention of removing myself from his clutches.