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Category: CSI - Slashed > Gil/Nick
Characters: Catherine Willows, Gil Grissom, Greg Sanders, Jim Brass, Nick Stokes, Sara Sidle, Warrick Brown
Genres: Established Relationship, Humour
Summary: The impossible happens to Gil and Nick. (Warning for Mpreg)
Author's Note: This is thoroughly silly, completely impossible, improbable, and implausible, and I post it with my tongue planted FIRMLY in my cheek. I make no attempt to explain anything, and for that I do not apologize. This is crack!fic, pure and simple.
Gil sat still, and stunned, on the edge of the bed. He knew he should be in the bathroom while Nick was bent over the toilet, should be rubbing his back, saying soothing things, getting him water when he had recovered, and he wanted to be doing all of that, but at the moment couldn't seem to remember how to move.
Nick's news had thrown him off his stride. To put it mildly.
Finally, Nick came back in from the bathroom, wiping is mouth but not showing any signs of discomfort. Gil eyed him curiously. He didn't look any different today than he had any other day, even that smile was very familiar. He sat down and put his arm around Gil's shoulders.
"If it's any consolation," he said, "it shocked the hell out of me, too." Gil made a chuffing, almost laughing noise.
"I can imagine," he said dryly, and Nick laughed back.
"But I'm okay with it. Once I managed to wrap my head around the idea," he said. "How about you?" He gave Gil's shoulders a little squeeze. Gil took a deep breath.
"I'll be okay, I'm sure. Once I've had some time. I expect I'll be more than okay with it," he said, and kissed Nick.
"Good. Cuz I wanna tell everyone about it. Like now," he said, giving Gil a questioning look. Gil took a few more breaths and shrugged.
"Go ahead. Invite 'em over. I'd like to see how they react."
* * *
"So," Catherine said the minute Jim had hung his coat up, "What's this 'really exciting news' Nicky told me about?"
She'd asked that before she'd even come in the door, but Gil and Nick had insisted that they wait until everyone arrive. She hadn't like the stipulation, but she had agreed, and was holding to the exact letter of that agreement.
"Give the man a chance to sit down," Nick admonished.
"And get a drink," Gil added, handing Jim a scotch. "I think he'll need one."
"So what's with all the setup?" Sara asked. "You guys getting ready to drop a bombshell on us?"
"Another one, you mean," Warrick added, and Greg muffled his laugh in his beer. "Let me tell you, after finding you that you two are...whatever you are, nothing and I mean nothing has managed to shock me since, so fire away."
"You might be surprised," Gil said, very softly, so that only Nick could hear.
"Would you quit holding us in suspense?" Catherine said. "One of you; spill it!"
"Go ahead, Nicky," Gil said, pulling up one of their dining chairs, spinning it around backwards, and dropping into it. "It's your news." He rested his arms on the back rest.
Nick leaned back against a wall, surveying his audience and clearly enjoying being the center of everyone's attention. This was actually quite a bit of fun.
"Well, the thing I didn't tell you when I called is that this is kinda an impromptu baby shower," he said. Gil watched the faces, wondering who would go where with that information.
"You're adopting?" Sara said, sounding and looking equal parts surprised and excited. "That's great! Boy or girl? Do you know when?"
"We're not...adopting," Nick said, a sly grin creeping over his face. Gil hid his face behind his arms, trying to stop the smile that wanted to turn into highly inappropriate laughter.
"So what, a surrogate mother?" Catherine tried.
"Nope," Nick said, the grin was becoming infuriating, even to Gil who knew what he was holding back. He couldn't stand it anymore.
"Actually, Nicky's pregnant," he said, impressed with how straight-faced he managed to stay. He looked around the room at their faces, cataloguing every expression. He'd want to remember this, later.
Jim recovered first.
"No he's not," he said. Didn't even try to run with a possible joke, just smacked down what he knew to be impossible. Well, impossible seemed to be highly subjective these days, didn't it?
"Yes, he is," Gil said, putting an arm around Nick's waist and pulling him close. "Would you like to speak with his doctor?"
For a while there was dead silence, and then finally, "Congratulations?" Greg said, hesitantly.
"Thank you, Greg," Gil said with a smile and a nod. "We're very proud actually."
"Yep," Nick affirmed, rubbing the back of Gil's shoulders. "Great day for us, great day for science."
He looked around at everyone else. "This isn't a joke. It's real," Nick said.
Catherine looked as though she had been turned to ice and suddenly unfrozen. "Yeah, congrats, I guess," she said, looking completely bewildered. "But...how?" Every eye in the room looked at them, asking the same question.
Nick and Gil exchanged a look. "We're not actually sure," Gil said. "The doctors are running tests, but no one has any idea yet."
"Actually, I have a theory," Nick said and Gil looked at him, sharply.
"No, Nick," he said.
"I think it's very plausible, actually," Nick said, looking suddenly smug. Gil started to shake his head.
"No, Nicky. Don't," he warned, but his tone was less authoritative than pleading. He'd heard Nick's theory that morning, and while it had been good for a laugh, he wasn't sure he wanted it in the hands of his friends and colleagues.
"Let's hear it Nicky!" Catherine said, and the rest of the group voiced their support of the idea. Gil closed his eyes and winced. He was clearly outvoted. He glanced at Nick, giving him silent permission to continue.
"Well, the way I figure it," Nick said, smiling impishly and drawing this out as much as he could. "It's really simple." He ran his hand over Gil's shoulder affectionately.
"Gil here is just such an incredible stud. He could get anything pregnant."