Adam's Song by CSI Fairbairn [ - ]
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Category: CSI - General
Characters: Nick Stokes
Rating: PG
Genres: Character Study
Warnings: Death of canon character

Summary: Nick is still having noghtmares and decides to finish it for good

Author's Chapter Notes:
I never thought I'd die alone
Another six months I'll be unknown
Give all my things to all my friends
You'll never set foot in my room again
You'll close it off, board it up
Remember the time that I spilled the cup
Of apple juice in the hall
Please tell mom this is not her fault

Based loosely on these lines

Nick writhed in agony, eyes screwed shut, his dream trapping him in the Plexiglas box yet again. With a scream, he jolted awake, sweat dripping down his face.

He couldn't do it anymore. Three years and that coffin still held him in its grip. He was going to end it, once and for all.

Moving into the bathroom, he wet a flannel and rubbed it over his face, wiping the sweat from his brow. Going into the kitchen/dining room, and pulling a sheet of paper towards him, he began to write:

Dear y'all,

I'm sorry. I fought for so long that night, and I've kept fighting since then, but I can't fight anymore. I'm not strong enough.

Grissom, you found me because of your insect fascination, and for that I am grateful, but I can't deny, it's a little creepy. Especially the two-headed scorpion. You've been like a father to me, helping me when I was stuck, making me feel at home here in Las Vegas. I'm gonna miss you Griss.

Catherine, working with you has been one of the best experiences of my life, and I've told you things I didn't think I could tell anyone. You are strong, smart and sexy, and I am truly glad to have met you.

Warrick, you're my best friend man, and I love you, and all I could think in that box was how you were gonna get me out. It was the only thing that kept me sane, and you did it. We always used to joke that one of us would get it. Looks like you won that bet. Knowing you have to carry on without me makes this even harder to write, but I know you can do it. You have the team to help you through it. I've known you for nearly ten years, and I wouldn't swap a minute of them. Goodbye.

Sara, you were the new kid on the block, and I gotta be honest, at first I didn't like you. You were the replacement for Holly, and even though I never met her, it felt like you were just there to fill the gap. But then I got to know you, and you were the sweetest, most caring person in the world. I hope you and Grissom are happy together for years to come.

Greg, you were like a brother to me, and I'll never forget the time me and Grissom walked in on you with the rock music on and the mask. I'm glad you made it to CSI, but when you were in the lab, you were the cockiest little bastard I ever knew. When you and I cracked that first case, the look on your face was one I'm taking with me to wherever I end up.

Jim, you were one of the best bosses I've ever had, even if you were cranky when you didn't get your coffee. I know that I didn't always make your job the easiest in the world, but I would put that down to spending too much time with Warrick.

Ecklie, I don't know why I'm writing to you, except to say you are the biggest bastard I saw in my life. At first I thought you were just smarmy, but the way you treat the lab techs and us, the night shift makes you one of the most screwed up evil people I know.

Mom, Dad, don't blame yourselves for this, I wasn't pushed into this, it was my decision to make and I made the right one. Say good bye to everyone at home in Texas for me. The only reason I didn't do this before was because I couldn't bear the thought of you losing your only child. But if you know what I went through that night, you'd understand.

I love you all, but I want you to understand, that this is a good thing. I know if it had happened to one of you, I wouldn't want you to suffer like I have for three years.

One last thing. Mom, I know it's tradition to be buried in the family plot, but I made my life in Vegas, and I want to be buried in Vegas. Please respect this last wish for me.



Tears flowing freely down his face, he sealed the letter in an envelope and placed it on the table, in full view of anyone who found him. He went back to his bedroom and took his gun and pager out of the drawer and went to sit on the sofa. He paged the lab, no-one in particular, but it would be received by all of the graveyard shift, and the first one to respond would be round here like a shot. His message was simple: 'Nick's house, come quick. Code 7'.

He placed the pager on the floor, and steeling himself for this final act of defiance, he brought himself to do what he just couldn't in that box, all those years ago. He brought the gun to his chin, and fired.

Chapter End Notes:
Hope you liked it. Sorry about more death.